Hello, my dear readers! I know most of you are wondering about the title and why would I say something like that. My life and my story is given to me by the Creator, and I want to use my voice to inspire others, and just maybe I can help those who are feeling alone find the hope and the strength they need to face each day with a smile as I do! Before I explain the story behind my blog title, “I thought God was a murderer,” let me update you guys about my blood cancer.
After having scar tissue on both hands from all the blood removal, I went in last Monday to get my normal blood test before the blood removal. I was sent home. Why? Because of the great progress I have been making, thanks to my awesome doctor and nurses! After the blood test, I went from the boiling point zone of having a stroke or heart attack at any time with a high Hct of 79% to now 42%. The doctor was so surprised how quickly my body was responding to the blood removal treatment. Everyday I wake up with a white eyes full of confidence to shine my big bright smile! I will never again take for granted the little things in life.
Every Monday, my doctor said I should come in for my regular blood test, and if my Hct is above 45%, then I will go and see my nurse for a blood removal. It felt so good to know I am back to normal. My energy is coming back, and my appetite is back on track again. You know we Africans love to eat! The only symptom I am dealing with right now is being tired at night without even doing physical activities. I also find it very difficult to wake up in the morning because my body is saying no to my mind. I used to be a morning person, that annoying roommate you always wish didn’t come and knock at your door around 5am on a Monday morning filled with energy and a smile that said, “I am ready to conquer the world.” Now, I am the one praying that my roommate won’t wake me up early because I no longer have that early morning drive that I used to have.
With that said, If that is the only symptom I will be dealing with till they find a cure, I will take it. My doctor doesn’t want me on any chemo medication like the one I used to take back in college. He worried I might develop leukemia from it down the line. I trust his judgement, and it seems to be working so far.
My excitement is mixed because I have come to know my nurses at the clinic very well. They made me feel welcome, like family, and and at ease. They truly love what they do and care for their patients. Now that I might not be going in for blood removal (depending on my Hct after blood test) as I used to, I won’t be seeing them as much as anymore, and I am sad but thankful for the progress I am making with my health. On Monday when the doctor said, “Go home no blood removal,” I sold seven signed copies of my book “Every Mother’s Nightmare” to the nurses with a personal thank you note to them. They said to me, “Please stop by every Monday after your blood test to say hi to us even if you won’t be needing any blood removal.” Through my condition, I was able to shine lights in the lives of those nurses and was blessed by their excellent care. Months prior to me almost dying, they were strangers, but now, they will always be part of my story and prayers for them for taking good care of me and the hundreds of patients they see on a monthly basis.
Because I escaped a stroke or heart attack for now, I owe it to the world to be a better person and will use my story as a light in the world and make very good use of the second chance given to me.
On my previous blog I said I might have died from this disease if I had not had the opportunity to come to this beautiful country. I lost a sister at a very young age without knowing what killed her. Did she have the same disease as me? is that what killed her? I will never know, but I will use my life to inspire you, my readers, so together we can try our best to see that the next child doesn’t depart this earth without his or her family knowing why. Plato once said, “Man was not made for himself alone,” and I do agree with him. Together we are much stronger and can go further than we can alone. Join hands with others, and use your life and story to shine a light of hope to those in need.
Now to the reason most of you clicked on the blog, “I thought God was a murderer.”
As many of you know from reading my book, “Every Mother’s Nightmare,” (which I highly recommended you do if you haven’t yet and get a copy for friends and family as a holiday gift!), I was brought up a Muslim and was beaten to accept it. As a young boy, I was taught to have enemies and that anyone that worshiped differently than me was not my friend. To be specific, I was never allowed to befriend Christians or think of even getting married to one. If I did, I was promised I would be disowned. Fast forward to today, I am now a Christian, but I am not sure anymore what that means. I do believe in God and Jesus Christ as my Savior, but I am not religious. I know many of you might stop reading or being my friend, but we need to allow the youth to think for themselves and help guide them rather than thinking for them or pushing them into any religion. Every religion tends to claim they have the way which indicates others are lost. Let God be the judge of that because only He can change the heart of a person.
I know what you are thinking right now, he has lost his faith in God because of his condition, and you might feel the need to pray for me. Please don’t because my faith in God is stronger than ever! I am just not religious anymore. Claiming to be something while living as a hypocrite. For years, I was a hypocrite trying to fit into a system religion to hide my battles and my struggles. All around us is evidence of the chaos created by religion. “Join me or die.” ” Join me or you go to Hell.” We say that so loosely without pausing to think about what it means and the effect it has on the very people we were told “For God so loved the world that he gave his only son to die for it.” God is love, and He created everyone in His image with power and dominion to live in peace, joy, freedom and love. If you are gay or straight, black or white, Muslim or Jews, Christian or non religion, rich or poor we are all loved by God. We play God on a daily basis and that tend to drives people away from knowing the Creator of life. More than ever, people are beginning to ask, “Is there a God?” When I came to know God apart from any religion, I wept for the millions of lives that faces discrimination and hatred all over the world in the name of religion. A wise man once said, “When one person suffer injustice, we all suffer.” We need to be our brother’s keeper so we can truly see the change we hope for in our communities.
For years, because of my religions belief, I saw God as a murderer. I was afraid of him every night. In my book (which should you have already read by now) I spoke about the battle I went through as a result of a seed that was planted in me at a very young age when I went to the street to search for the answer to one of life’s greatest questions, “What does it mean to be a man?” When I was a Muslim, I battled the same addiction I battled as a Christian. Different religion, same battle. But this time, it was not hating others because they worship differently than me, it was worse than that.
WHY?
Till next Sunday my beloved readers. You don’t want to miss next Sunday’s blog.It will be a blessing in your life or someone you know and maybe, just maybe, it might answer some of the questions you are battling with in life and give you hope to face the future in style while smiling!
Machael David 